I’ve been plagued by some Biblical stories
the last few weeks. It’s a hard book. So many events are fantastical, impractical,
and utterly lacking in common sense. The whole thing feels like a fairy tale
where miracle manna falls from the sky, city walls suddenly crash down to
rubble, people wander through deserts following clouds, a woman looking back
turns into a statue of salt, God comes down as a man to die, and graves open to
return captives from lands of the dead.
Harry Potter has nothing on the Bible.
In particular, I’ve been processing the story
of Gideon, who led an army against the Midianites. A practical and tactical task, for the most part. But on the way…
The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too
many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast ‘My
own strength has saved me.’ Now announce to the army, ‘Anyone who trembles with
fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.’" So twenty-two thousand men left, while
ten thousand remained. But the Lord said to Gideon, "There are still too many
men. Take them down to the water, and I will thin them out for you there. If I
say, ‘This one shall go with you,’ he shall go; but if I say, ‘This one shall
not go with you,’ he shall not go." So Gideon took the men down to the water.
There the Lord told him, "Separate those who lap the water with their tongues
as a dog laps from those who kneel down to drink." Three hundred of them drank
from cupped hands, lapping like dogs. All the rest got down on their knees to
drink.The Lord said to Gideon, "With the three
hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your
hands. Let all the others go home." (Judges 7:2-7)
In the story, they go on to win against the
Midianites because God basically scares the enemy into fleeing when they think
they’re surrounded by a large army. God delivered a hoodwink. Smoke and mirrors made a miracle.
I am haunted by Biblical stories. By all
the wild events and characters. I want to believe that God moves in mysterious ways, people's prayers are answered, the dead impossibly raised. That there's a whisper - if we listen - The Spirit of God who takes control and care of all our needs. It’s a fantastical
dependence that seems almost wishful, but also requires the greatest kind of faith. There can be an awful silence in the moments before deliverance: like the Saturday before resurrection. Or the 300 men fairly certain they
were probably gonna die. Or all the ones who have, waiting in faith for the promise they lived as if they already received.
Not too many months ago, Nathan and I
went to see Martin Scorcese’s Silence. What an impossible story. People tortured to the place of denying their faith. Those who
did not deny Christ were killed… except for a few compromisers.
And the grace of the Father’s heart is revealed to those compromisers in a way
that I can’t say. It’ll iron out the movie. But it is so amazing…
The Bible is full of stories of provision, but also people who were martyred: the stoning of Stephen, Paul and Silas imprisoned, and Jesus condemned and crucified with nothing but his calling to sustain him.
But in the middle of all that impossibility, there's talk of "The peace that passes all understanding". Centuries later, Reinhold Nieburh wrote this poem:
I am haunted, not only by Biblical Stories,
but movies and poems and plays and novels: artistic expressions of the human events
we experience. I
hunger for transcendent moments where we touch the heart of God and the
Cosmos and our Brothers and Sisters past, present, and future, all at once. For
in a story, we are all united. We experience the uncertainty of the characters
as we await the conclusion that
ultimately draws their narrative into focus.
I am also haunted by ministry… the notion
that a life can be lived merging the transcendent with the everyday. That the
Creator of the Universe could be invited into our midst again and again, and
that somehow we could dare to believe that He would make His presence known.
And it is that desire, along with the love of Biblical stories, movies, poems,
plays, paintings and novels that led me to the altar of the church to be a
minister… and also lured me from the pulpit to the theatre.
And I’ll tell you why. Make-believe was
easier to handle than the working out of story in community, which is what
ministry requires. So, this particular Jonah got in a boat and sailed away from
that idea good and quick. The transcendent is so much easier when it can be
revered as an ideal. And this Jonah
didn’t even mind being swallowed up by a whale for a wee while, since he knew
that part of the story was dramatic and romantic and unusual and glorious!
And then that whale spit him up on the
shore of Rosebud, where he joined a host of people longing to tell stories,
touch the heart of God, and somehow pay the bills. And we’ve lived through
times of plenty, and also through times of want. In our current economic
climate it can feel like “here we go again…” smack down in the middle of a
battle with the army reduced from 32,000 to 300. Times when dependence on
God becomes necessity, not a mythic notion.
I hit the pillow last night in some turmoil
coming out of a long day of administrative impossibility. As I drifted off, the words “Be still and know I am God” repeated
themselves over and over in my head. I didn’t want to forget them, so just kept
repeating them until I lost consciousness.
“Be still, and know I am God.”
And then I remembered a moment during Espresso rehearsals in its first
incarnation at Pacific Theatre. We’d been developing the piece over several
years and here we were, finally in rehearsals, telling a story I knew in my
bones came straight from the heart of God. I found Lucia one morning, sitting
on the back stairs, waiting for Stage Management to open the door to the
theatre. And she said out loud, in a little girl wonder voice, “Jesus is here.”
She whispered it like it was magic in the dark. “Jesus is here.”
“Be still, and know I am God.”
And when Lauren deGraaf played Jesus in
Cotton Patch Gospel, there was a moment in rehearsal where I asked her to hug a
bag of hate mail during the song about Jesus’s death. The moment was pure
miracle. It deeply impacted a handful of people so much that some wanted
pictures of it – like vials of Holy Water at some shrine… something to carry
home as a talisman for transcendence.
In the practical turmoil that is theatre: the planning
and creating and interpreting and working out finances and collaborating within community: these kind of revelations happen in stillness. It’s a beat in rehearsal when you’re about to ask something
ridiculous of an actor, but before you do, you pause to listen.
“Be still and know I am here.”
And out of the stillness, the impulse doesn’t
go away. The creative requirement gets stronger, and all of a sudden you’re
leading 300 warriors to face the Midionites instead of 32,000. And it doesn’t
necessarily make any sense. How God wanted LESS people, to make MORE noise. But
before that could happen, they had to crawl, silently, in the dark. And also, how
- Lucia and Morris wait on a step and feel the presence of Jesus before starting the rehearsal day.
- Jonah abides in the belly of a whale and
ponders his fate.
- 5,000 people sit down and settle
before Jesus breaks bread to feed them.
When I came to Rosebud to take on the
position of Artistic Director, a song by Steve Bell came to mind.
Down roads I’d never have chosen seems to
be the mantra, I think. It is the curiosity that wonders about the trail leading
off the main road, that sometimes is a command to throw caution to the wind. It’s the moment when words we hold in our heart
bubble to the surface, and we take breath to give them voice. It is in the
breath, when we know the words are coming, but we must intake the air, where we can recognize and know that all that comes after might just come from God. And the words
might just feed five thousand people… or one. But the number shouldn't really
matter.
Lucia Frangione's Espresso played to packed houses and almost empty ones. Sometimes God
multiplies our work and sometimes a single weeping woman wants an
iPhone picture of an actor hugging a mail bag.
When we feed five thousand, everyone is
happy. When we feed one or two, there are few witnesses to tell the tale. And
in those moments, these words have to carry the day.
Do not worry about your life, what you
will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more
than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they
do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds
them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can anyone of you by worrying
add a single hour to your life? …So do not worry, saying, “What shall we
eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the pagans run
after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But
seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be
given to you as well. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry
about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:25-34)
If I am honest, I am haunted and troubled
by such words. But at the end of the day, His words are daily bread to fill my
hunger and keep at bay my need for security and certainty. Maybe in and of
themselves, they are the miracle I seek, because it was His words that calmed my
spirit last night, and met me early this morning. And maybe, as we wait on His words, it transforms the story. Maybe stories are a way to connect in the stillness and remind ourselves of the bigger picture.
I leave you with some of my favorite words…
prayers by any other name I think.
Eventually all things merge into one, and a
river runs through it. The River was cut by the world’s great flood and runs
over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless
raindrops. Under the rocks are the words. And some of the words are theirs. I
am haunted by waters.
- A River Runs Through It, Norman Maclean
And eventually, all the words, all the stories,
all the originals will merge into one final, ultimate narrative: our Creator's.
I am haunted by the sound of his voice, and
in the stillness, strain my ear to hear.
- Morris Ertman
*Staff & Student Chapel - Rosebud School of the Arts - April 25, 2017